Subject: Self Introduction
Dear Mr Brad Blackstone,
My name is Justin, and I am writing to introduce myself to you as a student in your Critical Thinking and Communication (UCS) class. Some background about me is that I graduated from Singapore Polytechnic with a diploma in mechanical engineering. In the beginning, I had no idea what I liked, so I chose engineering as mathematics and physics are my strong suit. During my final year project in Polytechnic, I met with many industry leaders in the field of engineering, where they showed on the potential of engineering can do and how they are able to impact and make changes to people's life, and it successfully managed to pique my interest of engineering, hence I decided to continue my choice of engineering in university hence enrolling in this engineering program.
My weakness in communication is public speaking, as I tend to feel nervous when speaking to large crowd and in a classroom setting as well, because I am worried that the audience would not be able to understand the message I am trying to bring across as I have a difficulty in finding the words to express myself. However, I am generally fine when speaking to a small group, but I would need some time to adjust to my environment before being able to speak comfortably. After this short period of adjustment, I would be very chatty and talk a lot based on the feedback from my friends.
One of my goals for this module is related to my communication
weakness which is public speaking. I hope to be able to speak confidently in a group setting and would need to overcome the nervousness feeling. As an engineer, there will be times where you have to pitch your idea to a large group of people in order for them to invest in your product, hence being able to improve on this weakness would definitely help me in my future
Another of my goals is to be able to analyse paragraphs found
in research papers or information found online and pick out the useful and
relevant information as I feel that is an important skill to know in engineering given the huge amount of information in the net. I believe that I will be able to achieve both of my goals
for this module in your class.
Yours sincerely,
Justin
Edited on 29/1/2023
Hi Justin, Excellent job in addressing the points being tasked! One thing you can improve on might be the breaking up of sentences to create more ease of reading, but overall it is well-written and informative.
ReplyDeleteHi Yeow Min, thanks for taking time to read my blog.
DeleteThanks for the feedback, I will take note of it in the future and try to improve on the writing.
Hi Justin, thank you for taking time to write up this self introduction which I thought covered the points and allowed me to know you better. There are a few grammatical errors and likewise, I feel that the paragraphing could be more standardised to make your self-introduction more wholesome. Thank you!
ReplyDeleteHi Michelle,
DeleteThanks for taking your time to read my introduction. I will take your feedback into account and do better for future writing tasks.
Justin's letter was able to cover all the points and I was able to learn more about him. There are a few grammatical errors and organization can be improved but nonetheless I still enjoyed reading your letter. Good job :)
ReplyDeleteHi Jazlyn,
ReplyDeleteThanks for taking your time to read my letter. I will take note of the feedback given and try to improve myself next time round.
Dear Justin,
ReplyDeleteThis is an informative letter. The content is detailed and aligned with the assignment brief, your thoughts are clear and well-organized and the language use is qood. You've also shared interesting details about your interests, your experience and your comm skills. At the same time, it would have been useful to mention the context of your having met industry leaders. That would give depth to the discussion.
You also demonstrate a willingness to improve in areas like reading analysis and presenting, which will be vital as you move forward on your studies and onto a career path.
There are a few issues here with caps and sentence structure though:
1. some issues using caps/subject-verb disagreement
-- ...Mathematics and Physics was my strong suit. > ?
-- ...in my final year project in the Polytechnic. > ?
-- ...i came to understand.... > ?
-- Yours Sincerely, > Yours sincerely,
2. sentence structure
-- I met with many industry leaders in the field of engineering, and i came to understand the importance of engineering, and it piqued my interest of engineering even more, therefore I decided to continue my choice of engineering in university hence enrolling in this engineering program. > (comma splice)
-- My weakness in communication is public speaking, as I tend to feel nervous when speaking to large crowd and in a classroom setting as well, because I am worried that the audience would not be able to understand the message I am trying to bring across, as I have a difficulty in finding the words to speak especially on the spot. > (a bit rambling) ?
-- I need to improve my public speaking skills, and to be an engaging presenter as there are times that I feel that when the audience did not understand what I said, I will start panicking and everything will spiral downhill from there. > ?
Let's work on these.
I look forward to learning more about you this term.
Best wishes,
Brad
Hi Prof Blackstone,
DeleteThanks for taking your time to read my introduction. I will take your feedback into consideration and make the changes accordingly.
I look forward to learning from you as well